No lo comprendo

I had a whole heartfelt carefully worded conversation today with an extremely high functioning person in which I laid out my philosophy of how I make decisions. The constant struggle between protecting my serenity and extending myself to help others, the contents of which are outside the scope of this post. It was a real “eye-opener” for me. We all struggle, I would hope, with wanting to help others but have a limited amount of resources, time, money, mental health, or physical strength.

In this conversation, this person said they disagreed personally with my philosophy and gave an example from the conversation of a fictional hypothetical situation I presented. The example they gave was the point of the conversation though. It was the “itch you have to scratch”, as some say. It is the very point of the struggle that I believe nobody has an actual answer for like, “Why we are here?”, “What happens when we die?”, “What would the world be if the Beatles never existed?”, or “What is the best cheese to use on a grilled cheese?’. Universal “unknowns”…. Of which nobody has the answer for and anyone that claims they do is selling something or full of kaka. I was being told that they disagree with me on something I agree with them on. Like, they got the point but failed to understand the point that I was identifying with them.

So after tuning out the noise and focusing on how someone I know to be extremely high functioning and at least at my level mentally could so completely not comprehend my thoughts I recognized something that seems to come up over and over in my history. People just do not understand me.

I am not clear if it’s my communication skills, my examples, the actual words I chose, my sarcasm, or my use of metaphor, or the hypothetical but something I am doing is incorrect. One of the things I really like about my photography is that I felt it allows me to convey what I see, my feelings, my vivid wonder. I don’t go around and take random pictures so that I can be Instafamous. I am trying to convey something, communicate. I feel this has even been not communicated effectively, in any way, and in photography there are no words involved. I don’t know what I am doing.

I need to learn to communicate effectively. If not it won’t matter how many people are around me. I will always feel completely alone. Help?

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